Chaotic Lil Imp and I are going to do some challenging one another,and give each other some topics and questions to get us out of that not posting funk. Her first question to me is:
What has changed within your dynamic this past year? Is it a positive or negative change? How has it affected how you serve?
This was a question I had to sit and really think about. A lot has changed in the last year with us. Him going through His medical retirement process, me coming off of the meds.. the plans to move later this year, etc. We left the local community, we've been out of place - out of touch with our 24/7 dynamic. We have so many changes coming this year as well.
We've been so out of the lifestyle loop, and for awhile there, I just didn't feel like myself.. at all. My submission is such a huge part of who I am. The small things, didn't change much, some things become such a natural thing to do. But, a lot in the discipline area just lacked being there. I think it's safe to say that anyone who lives this way finds that, without consistency, things really start to slide.
An example would be - say I spill something, then trip over something, then step on a lego for the 100th time this week. Sh*t - mumble - insert other swear words there.
Oops, I just swore.. and broke the no swearing rule.... again.
Nothing happens - so unlike Him. Houston we have a problem here! Hm, sh*t. Hey, I broke it again..... nothing. And so on, and so on. Before you know it, you're often breaking that rule.
That was often how it has gone over the last year.
The good news is though, is we've sat and talked a lot about this lately. Figuring out the why's of it all, and how to get us both back into that place that is us, and makes us happy. We sat and went back over the rules, and had set a restart date that was Monday. We're making and working on the changes that get me back into my submission fully, and Him back into His Dominance. We both agree that is who we are, not just how we live, and how important it is to do all we can to get back on track. Yes! I see that progress marker even closer this time!
How did it affect how I served? Well, some things are just me and how I do things , and such habit to do. Serving coffee, serving Him, those things didn't get off track much. For me, it was more - breaking a lot of the smaller rules, and knowing that even though I was, no real discipline or consequence would come from it.
When it comes to dynamics, the other change would be, we agreed to open ourselves back up to polyamorous as well. We're going slow with it, but are determined not to let the one very bad relationship with our ex girlfriend ruin who we are, and future relationships. We've taken the time to heal and get past it, it's now time to move on.
Thank you for the thought invoking, and very time appropriate question, chaotic imp. :) I look forward to doing more of these with you! We'll spank this writers block.. you'll see. xx
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