Friday, January 30, 2015

Communication: Asking for those harder things.

Communication. It starts when we are young kids and are learning how to speak, and we then spend our lives learning how to use those words. In this lifestyle communication is without a doubt one of the most important things. We learn that it is best to talk about everything, and I do mean, everything.

Our fears. Our wants... Our desires, needs, thoughts, feelings, limits and well yeah,everything else. That doesn't however, always make it easy.

It seems to be a common thing in many submissives to struggle in asking their Dominant for certain things. Like a spanking...yes, some of us do ask for those...(Or, at least we want to ask for them!) Sometimes for the release. Sometimes to help us get back in place...and sometimes, because it's well... hot.

Or, one for me would be this: Sir has me follow the rule of no touching the fun bits without permission. His, or mine. Often at night, He has me lay in His lap while we watch a movie or tv shows, and...well, before you know it my hand starts to get that mind of it's own issue going on, and sneaks up to grope. I mean, it's right there! And, I am hooked. I admit it! I often do not even think much of doing it before I hear..."Young lady!"  This sadly happens at least once a night. You'd think I would have broke this habit by now! But when I sit and think about it, it's not that I am trying to be disobedient. It's more that this is one of those silly little things that I have a hard time asking for. In my brain, it falls into that area of dirty talk. Which, I am so bad at!

Sir is a pro at talking dirty. Smooth and,mm...yes. Me? Hah! I stutter, blush, and once things get going a lot of "Oh, please Sir." "Yes Sir." "Harder Sir." "Mmm, yes, oooo godddddds please fuck me Sir." "Mmmph,May I please cum, Sir?!" type statements come out.

Another friend posted something on the same topic the other day, I would link it, but I am short on time here. But, in a comment to her I mentioned the one thing that I have found that can help me with this. That is asking permission to ask for whatever it is I feel I may be needing or wanting. It is then up to Him, for He knows what is best and if I should get whatever that said thing is. This does help with a lot of things. Except maybe the above scenario, which, I just completely struggle with like the dirty talk.

It got me to thinking though, there must be some sort of way to get ourselves more comfortable with asking and communicating those needs/wants/desires and so on. So, of course you all know me - after thinking about this, I decided to throw out another input post. What do you think? How do you handle this sort of thing? Doms, what are your thoughts on this topic?


  1. Well, you know I have no advice, but I'm interested to see what others have to say.

    I'm bad at talking dirty too. We had phone sex one time...I was AWFUL. Thank goodness for him because we would have gotten nowhere fast. Lol.

    1. Misty, we are so alike, I love it! :)

      Lol, so been there with the phone sex, omg! :-)

  2. Maybe if you come up with a codeword? Kinda like a safeword but it's a special word you say when you want something but you can't work up the courage to verbalize it? Or a special gesture you make to him? Something small you can do in any position (in bed, on his lap etc.) rather than a full pose/posture. (My ex had me stand in a special spot with my hands behind my back if I had a question or request. That probably isn't suitable in this context, but that kinda thing)

    Then, once he recognizes the codeword or gesture, maybe he can prompt you with questions?

    That sounds like something that could help and also make someone feel very subby/little (Do you still Identify as little?), if you enjoy the humiliation/dependence of being needing your partner to direct the conversation. "Do you want something?" "Do you want Pleasure/pain?" "Tell me what you want, sweetie." things like that.

    But I guess the basic idea is to maybe invent a signal for "I need something but I'm struggling to verbalize it. Help, please!"

    1. LittleWish,
      This was a brilliant comment, thank you! I absolutely love the thought process on this. Can see how this could really help with a lot of things in this area. :) Yes, I still have a little side... still have my moments where I have a hard time embracing it, though. Work in progress, that is for sure.

      Thank you so much for commenting, you're brilliant! :) <3

  3. Communication is key in any relationship especially in relationships like these.
    I just wonder why girls just don't play coy if need be and ask indirectly? You don't have to talk dirty, but clear "hints" are always best. Softer dirty words work just as well.

    By the way, I love girls who talk dirty, but have found that it is uncommon even in the most confident.
    Have a great week!

    1. Enzo, hi you! :)

      I so agree, communication is so,so very important. I try the whole coy things sometimes, it doesn't always work with Sir! lol. I am slowly getting better at the dirty talking, though. :D Nice to know that it isn't that uncommon.

      Hope you have a great week also!! :) xx


Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts/comments! I will always do my best to respond! xx