Monday, August 4, 2014

30 Days of Submission. Days 18 and 19.

Day 18: Very often the stereotype of submission is that the submissive person loses the ability to have an opinion. While that clearly isn’t true except in the absolute rarest of occasions, how does communication factor into your submission and how do you communicate your desires and needs?

That it indeed, sadly a true stereotype. Like I said in my last post - communication (along with trust and honesty) is something I fully believe in. A Dominant can be the absolute best Dominant around, but they still need to know what and how you are feeling - how you are doing -  what your thoughts/needs/desires are. It is up to them, on what they see best for you in what they will grant you once you have communicated to them, but they still need to know all things.

Sir, and many Dom's that I know often put a rule in for their submissive that they will be fully open and honest with everything they think and feel. That they will not hold back anything, that in us belonging to them - they need to know all things. I think it's an excellent rule, being a lot of sub types can sometimes start to feel as though they are being to much work.. they do not want to burden their Dominant, or add to the Dominants stress or work levels.

For Sir and I, we have been married for 19 years - we have children and etc. If I need to speak to Him, about something non D/s related, I will simply ask for permission to speak freely. This often helps many in being able to communicate about daily things without the worry of over stepping any lines.

I also find it helps for many, to write it out to their Dominant. In an email, letter - or even a blog that the Dom can read. Sometimes a lot of submissives struggle to get the words out when we need something... writing is an easier way for a lot of us to express what we are feeling or needing. 

Day 19: How socially connected is your submission? Do you look for others to talk to about your submission for support or networking? Do you go to events or connect through another sort of social grouping either in person or online?

At this point, I'd say very. We joined the local community quite some time ago. Have met some absolutely wonderful people in the lifestyle. We also know many people online. 

I think all people like to have others that they can talk with, share with.. within D/s or not. It's always nice to know that there are other people out there that feel the same way, or understand. To share your journey with, and them sharing theirs with you. 

We have yes, been to many events and to the local Dungeons etc. It's wonderful to do, and we both enjoy it. There are SO so many incredible people within the lifestyle. We have been taking some downtime from it lately for personal reasons - but it's not a permanent choice.



  1. I hate that stereotype! It's part of why I have not "come out" to everyone. (Almost, just not quite everyone) the ignorance of people about what D/s means is astounding to me. I am quite opinionated, I just need to make sure that those opinions are stated in a respectful way. Sir always takes my point of view into consideration. Like you, I have a way to talk to him freely about things outside of our dynamic. And we have a dynamic safeword (not a scene safeword) that either of can use if something in the dynamic is not working at a critical level for either of us. Communication and trust are just as important as safe, sane and consensual for us.


    1. So well said, hon! I think stereotypes like this is a big reason that a lot of people don't come out.

      I love that you guys have a dynamic safe word that is for this type of thing - how clever that is! What a great thing! And yes, I so agree communication and trust are indeed just as important! :) Wonderful input and comment hon, thank you! :) xxoo

  2. My Sir wants to know everything I think and feel. Many times He knows things before I have come to the realization on my own. It is strange but after 16 years together He knows me better than I know myself. Nothing is off topic for us and as long as I am respectful I can say anything I want.

    I am really enjoying reading your 30 days of submission posts!

    1. Master's Pet, that is how Sir and I are as well. Exactly so. :) He always, always seems to know before I do - how do they do that?! lol!

      And thank you! I always enjoy your posts as well! You're off to a great start with the 30 day challenge. :) xxoo


Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts/comments! I will always do my best to respond! xx