Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Ask brat - Longing to be submissive.

Ee, I am so behind! But, my kids are back in school - and I can finally get on a better schedule here, and get caught up here in blog land. I have several Ask brat questions - please know if you are one who has emailed, that I will get to them all as soon as I can. Also coming up - the follow up post from the Bday swat fun. I also really want to spend a good couple days getting caught up on all of your blogs as well. So, fair warning in advance if you suddenly see a ton of comments flow in from me!

Now - to start the catch up .. here is one of the Ask brat questions....

Dear brat,
  I find myself being very drawn into your blog. I am realizing that like you say, I am very naturally submissive. I have always been drawn to these sort of things and want to start embracing them in my life, and not just in the bedroom. How do I tell the man I am with that I'd like to pursue those needs and desires? Thank you for your time. Your blog is outstanding. x Longing to be submissive.

Dear Longing to be submissive,
   First, thank you so much for writing and feeling like you could ask me for input on this! And second, you are so not alone. Trust me! We all have to start embracing what we are somewhere along the line. The good news is, that you just admitted this to yourself. That is really the first step!

As for your guy - you know him, sit and think about how he will take this news from you. Is he open minded, and one to jump into trying new things? Or, is he the type that likes to be eased by others, or to ease into things himself? For Sir and I, we always lived this way to an extent. A lot of the dynamics were always there, even before we learned more about the lifestyle and etc. When I had *my* moment of realization - that, big light bulb moment, I knew Sir would be the type to take a leap. I prepared myself for Him coming home for lunch one day, once He got home - I went to kneel at His feet, lowered my eyes, and asked him to become my Dominant. Everything fell into place after that, and what was already an amazing relationship - became all that much better. 
It turned out, he wasn't surprised at all, and it was an easy transition for us.

Now, keep in mind that when it came to dynamics - those didn't just fall right into place. There are so many different ways of living this lifestyle. And often, no two ways are really the same for everyone. We have really found out from us, and those we know in the lifestyle - that it is what works for the people involved. 

My suggestion - find the way you feel is best to approach him with this, and if he is open to it - research research and research together. Find what works for you guys. Soon after we started researching, we started with some base rules, that often got changed as we went. 

My best advice is to learn all you can - and remember that it takes complete and total communication and honesty with one another. It takes patience, and time, but it's very very worth it. 

I think that is the most I can really tell you, with not knowing much about you or your guy. If you'd like to include more details, or would like some follow up advice as you go - please feel free to write again. 

I wish you all the luck in the world with this - and congrats, for taking the first step in embracing this side of yourself. There is a whole world out there with so many wonderful things in it for Dominants, submissives and those who switch. It's just all in finding what works best for you - and remember to have fun along the way! 


  1. I think this is a post that could go on for days, there's just so many things, so many if's, so many possibilities...

    When I asked Master for this, it was a disaster. I can laugh about it now, but it was a rough couple days. I was just so vulnerable, it was a big step opening up.

    In hindsight I should have just told him I wanted it and left it at that. But noooo, I had to go and explain why I wanted it, and what I want to get out of it. Master is a man of few words and he likes people to get to the point, and I didn't think to take that into consideration.

    Anyway, that first step is hard, but sometimes you just have to close your eyes and jump :)

    1. Misty, I so agree - there are so many possibilities! I heard back from the reader, and she wanted you and everyone else to know that your comments helped, hearing your stories as well as mine have been hugely helpful for her. :)

      Thank you so much for sharing. That first step is indeed hard, but couldn't agree more - you just have to close your eyes and jump. So well said doll. :) xx

  2. We were in a little different situation. He had asked for me to be submissive, in the bedroom. For years, I told him I couldn't do it. When I was ready to try, I told him so and then I basically had to wait while he thought about it. When he came back to me to discuss, it was with the condition of all or nothing. It scared the crap out of me but like Misty said, sometimes you just have to close your eyes and jump. To whomever wrote the question, I hope your man chooses to take the jump with you:)

    1. little girl, thank you so much for sharing that with us and the one who asked for advice here, she wrote in her appreciation as well. :) I will do an update post on her story, per her request soon. :)

      It's so nice to hear how everyone got into the lifestyle - so many different ways for a lot of us.

      Big hugs!

  3. When i asked Owner i did so in the form of a letter, i found it so much easier to write down than express out loud at the time. We celebrate out tenth anniversary next year so i guess it must have worked :)


    1. Hi Happy pet! Thank you so much for commenting and sharing how things started with you. I think you bring up such an excellent point here, doing something like this in a form of a letter could be so helpful to many people. I often myself, when am struggling to ask for something from Sir will write it out. It's so much easier for me sometimes.

      Congrats on the upcoming 10 years! That is awesome! :)

  4. This is a great post and wonderful advice! I agree, lots of communication, honesty and patience. I would add that you need to give him time to absorb and develop in his new role his way, not how you think he should be doing it.

    For us, we started with play and in the bedroom and decided we wanted the dynamic outside of the bedroom. Also, I had always tended to defer to him and his decisions.


    1. Hey there Roz! :) Thank you! :) I so agree, patience and time to let things absorb and develop are so very important. :)

      So happy to have you here at my blog, Roz. :) xx

  5. Greetings brat! I am having fun going through your blog! It's always a great day when I have time to find someone new =)

    All the advice is terrific! "...those didn't just fall right into place..." I think that is SO important for anyone looking to explore this dynamic to know. You don't go from vanilla to full on D/s, M/s, or whatever it is you decide on, overnight. Real life and real people, we ARE different than the books. Even our bogs are just a snippet of the real lives we live.

    I am with Happy Pet, writing has been one of the best tools between us. I am a writer...he know to go to my/our journal when I am struggling. This gives me the time to say all I need and gives my Man the time to decide on his feelings and where HE will lead us. He even reads in front of me sometimes.

    XOXO Pearl

    1. Well hello there, Pearl! Welcome to my blog! :) Very happy to have you here. I've had a couple bad bouts of being sick and am behind here, but trying to get caught up. :)

      Thank you for adding your input as well - so very well put. I will be doing an update post on the girl who wrote this, per her request - and she sends many thanks to all of you as well.

      I very look forward to getting to know you better, Pearl. Thank you so much for commenting! :) xx


Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts/comments! I will always do my best to respond! xx